Apathy. Looking at my life in the past few months or so (actually I have no idea when this wave started)... I realize how apathetic I've become. Apathy stems from disillusionment. My personality has tended to border on nihilism a great many moments in this time frame.
It's when food doesn't taste the same anymore. Music doesn't sound as good as anymore. Aesthetics look cheap and trite. Nothing excites you. But nothing disappoints you. Everything just bores you. For how long, I'm not even sure, I've been bored with myself and my life. I've come to have no expectations, for I shun them before they even have a chance to develop. Lame. <--- That's been my word for like everything lately. Lame.
I've grown to become what I myself have disliked so long. All the traits that made myself bearable to others... my passion, my ambitions, my questionable and cheesy humor (okay that probably still exists)... all gone. I'm going to need some time away from the world to beat this apathy up and take Foisol back.
Stay tuned. This usually means I'm going to be blogging more.
-F
P.S. - I miss LiveJournal already.
2 comments:
Yeah, I know what you mean. It's part of the reason why I started blogging again -- It's kind of like a mirror. Maybe there's a side of me that others see that I've yet to realize myself. In other words, I'm trying to play psychologist for myself.
Yeah dude... I think growing up, I think I finally realize why I liked writing and doing this journal thing so much. (a) Because it helps put things in perspective, since you are literally reading through your own thoughts and ramblings. (b) Because other people can come and empathize or tell me how much of a pussy I am.
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